Sri Lanka’s routine minnow mauling and Mahela’s suspicion of being a fixer

There you go. One quick dismissal in the home game of the World Cup and the character hero finds himself in the allegations of match fixing by his own media. Perhaps they too were bored of his rants in the print and electronic media how good his team is.

Freaking. Could not stop laughing when I read in ToI that Mahela Jayawardhena is suspected to be involved in Match Fixing. Well he is not involved in match fixing but for sure in Character Fixating and Blabbering big enough to send non Sri Lankans to laughter.

And did they not demolish the minnows yet again big time yesterday vs Kenya? Malinga got a 6-for including 2nd world cup hattrick, Upul Tharanga got a 50, Dilshan got a quick fire 40 good enough to declare his intentions for a 100 next game. And well of course prompting Kumar Sangakara to give a lionseque war cry “We are mentally strong and back in business”.

How good they are would be proved when they play next against the World Champions Australia.

So would they puncture Aussie balloon flying high since 31 games or they have their hawa tight once again would be an interesting prospect. 

“Pakistan showed they have pride”. As if they didn have before all along and suddenly they got pride after beating them.

“We are mentally strong and back in business” only against minnows and we ourselves become minnows against strong teams.

Kumar Sangakar’s pricelesss quotes.

Pakistan vs Sri Lanka

On a day of glorious batsmanship from Sachin Tendulkar and unexpectedly Andrew Strauss, I chose to write on the tie between Pakistan and Sri Lanka that took place on the Saturday. It was a tie SL was expected to win hands up, instead they lost hands down.

The 2 old lads of Pak cricket — Younus and Misbah led the team to a total of 277 followed by some good bowling by Shoaib Akhtar and Shahid Afridi. The Lankans fell short by 11 runs and in the end its heard that a panic has been setup in their camp.

Sangakara as usual made 49 without going on to win a game for his country. Jayawardhena after all praising and writing made just 2 and got his stumped ripped off an Akhtar beauty.  Chamara Silva, Kulasekra and Angelo Matthews tried in the end but it was too late and SL tasted their first home world cup defeat. Huh? Whom they had played before in the home games? 1996 ? Serious teams refused to tour them in 1996 and then they played Zimbabwe and Kenya at home and now Canada and Pakistan.

Period.

As I said before as all the high talk this lads do is good for the weak and hapless teams. When the stronger teams come, this lads just freeze up and lose.

And thats why this team wont win the world cup.

Lanka ki hawa tight

Blabberings vanished in the thin air, the 100 maker is comprehensively bowled, the Test batsman is out stumped to Pathan and now only the Sanga Nanga remains on the crease.

0/75 to 4/93. 

Stuff champions are made of? Mahela’s ass. Get off. If you talk big, show it on the field else shut your freaking mouth shut. 

Alle Alle. Wickets fall alle alle.

Russell Arnold is quiet now after boring us of how good every one in Lankan team is. Where is he now? 

Best Middle Order Effort reads 11,21,2, 18 and 7

There was a headline in the Cricinfo feed that Mahela Jayawardhene praised the middle order for their effort.

A look at the middle order performance and leaving out his 100 and captain’s 92, the other efforts read 11,21,2, 18 and 7 (last 2 being not out). By what standards are this numbers praiseworthy? What did MJ smoke before writing that article or blabbering again in the media?

Have Lankans decided that they are always going to say good things, show great attitude in the field even when the middle order fails, the mystery bowler fails to take wickets for the top order?  Are they always going to say politically correct things in the public thus fooling themselves?

We’ve never heard any real feedback from the MJs and Sangas in the media about the problems / issues facing their team. They are always following well laid processes, are as good as they can and you can add as many jargons / words / phrases as you wish, but still Lankans are not the world beaters in any format. They have failed to win a Test match after Murali retired, yet they are …….

A night in Lankan camp before their game against Canada

When Sangakara and Mahela Jayawardhena, the Indie commando were retiring to the team rooms to go to their respective wives, a night before the world cup kick started and they had ranted enough to put the remainder of Lankan team to sleep in the confrence room itself, they saw a fat man barging the hotel in deep anger.

Alongside the fat man the blabba kings saw a familiar figure step in but in an apologetic mode. 

The fat man came to Sangakara and Jayawardhena and said “You fools, you are good for nothing idiots. You let the bloody Indians take away the record for highest world cup total in 2007. BD and you guys kicked India’s ass out, but they kicked my team’s ass out of the record we had for the highest score in a world cup game. I bloody dont care if you send off Murali on a high note or not, dont care if you, the talkative bufoon joins me in the world cup winning captain group of this Ravana country. All I want is the record back. Beat the 413 record and get it on the name of Ravana country.”

The familiar man was in tears and nostalgic mood. He said “I remember Saar making 145 runs in that game in Kandy vs Kenya and we made 398 runs and that stood until that Prick’s Australia made 438.” And he bursts into tears. 

Sanga and Mahela are still stunned. 

The fat man continues ” You mofos, I installed pride in Lankan krikat by going for all sorts of records thus killing the spirit of krikat. I told my boys to make records and have all records on their names. Beat minnows big, continue batting for 3 days, 4 days and let wins go to hell, but Sri Lankan krikat should hold all records. See we have 576, 952, 624, 374, 287 and we had 398. We also have 443. But we dont have highest record for a world cup match. Make it you fools or else I would ask President to put you in jail like he did to the army chief Fonseka.”

Sanga felt motivated and his character tonic felt an unimaginable rush. 

Fat man and the apologetic man left and Jayawardhena was motivated.  Sanga called up the entire team and started ranting about the records and Mahela said “Yes we are the Ravana country. Like he had record for 10 heads, we would have records for all batting and bowling. I would rant it in cricinfo, Sanga you rant in the match conf”.

Suddenly Thilana Samaraweera got up and said “Sanga saar, I am the king of batting long, long and making double hundreds. Dont worry saar, I would bat long as i can and block the balls. I would put the opposite captain to sleep and yawn. I would make 200 runs and I would bat 3 days in row in the World Cup”.

Sangakara got and hugged Samaraweera. He went up and called fat man. “Saar, can you ask ICC to mend the records of ODI krikat to ensure that Sri Lankan batsmen can bat for 3 days in row. And then we shall reclaim all our records. Please do it as you did it for Murali to tweak the 15 degree rule to allow him to throw balls, err…bowl his regular stuff”.

Fat man agreed and called up Sharad Pawar, the ICC chief who tried to speak to him in Bangla, but fat man knew just Englis and Sinhala. With help of a translator fat man explained Pawar his intention, but Pawar rebuked him and reminded that “this is one day cricket which is over in 6.5 hours”.

Fat man was angry but he could not do anything. Later he called back Sangakara and said “Ask Thilana Samaraweera to bat long in Tests, not in ODIs.  Have somebody make 300 and ensure team crosses 500 in 40 over mark and then declare the innings.”

Sangakara and Mahela nodded and decided to toe the fat man’s order.

Move over, Sreesanth incarnates himself as Indie commando

Updated : If Sreesanth had his way he would have a sword or a gun in his hand instead of a white ball and he would have hit the opposition players with the sword or gun if he would have got hit for runs or ran behind umpire with gun in hand if he did not react positively to his appeal. That he would have actually hit the umpire with the bullet from the gun or his hands would really have caught the real sword instead of a wooden sword, something which is available in North India after every Dusshera Ravan dahan celebration, is another thing!!!

And if Sreesanth had more power as an Indie Commando, he would have asked for a horse and he would have demanded he would bowl sitting on horse or a mule (complementing himself since he is also an ass) and with sword / gun in left hand and a ball in one. And after delivering the ball, he would turn the horse to umpire or the batsman and run behind them if a) ump did not react positively to his appeal b) batsmen hit him for a 6 and a 4, showing them the gun (plastic) and sword(wooden)…..

Thank God, Ijaz Butt would now feel relieved he has got a brother (or son) across the border who is equal to him in terms of mental wisdom, cricketing knowledge and behavior in the public.

Mahela Jayawardhena would be the lead Indie commando in the IPL-4.  And guys like Ravinder Jadeja, Sreesanth (lunatic and clinically insane endorsed by MS) would also be part of it. Indie commandos. As in “Independent Indian cricket team” with “elite fighting squad”.  

Couldnt get funnier than this. Imagine Sreesanth making a fool of himself while doing his traditional antics and foolishness as an Indie commando or Mahela Jayawardhena shouting something to his team mates as a Sri Lankan Indie commando.

Kochi owners are just making further fun of themselves and also attaching ridicule on the legends like Laxman, Murali, Sir Ravinder Jadeja and of course “Aiblee filim” Sreesanth. Just imagine Ravinder Jadeja and Sreesanth dressed up as Indie commandos. Laughing stock!!!

Character Rant to kick off!!!

Minnow marauders Lankans have shown their intentions to gobble up the minnows mercilessly by thumping Holland by 156 runs in their first warm up game. So much for their win that their 2 best men in character rant, best men in defining how good Sri Lanka and the youthful team is, didnt need to bat.

They shall murder Kenya, Canada big time in the league games and if they do the same to the strong teams — Australia, Pakistan and Kiwis would be a question. SL are no longer invincible in their home turf, last few years have shown this to the world. Plus every team that travels to the subcontinent comes with the staple dose of spinners. So if Lanka would be able to maul strong team would be a keen thing to watch.

I am waiting for the talking bufoons in Sanga and Jayawardhena to kick start their rants!!!

World Cup Team Previews –1 : Sri Lanka

Starting a new series from today till the start of the world cup, where in I shall put my 2 or 3 Sri Lankan paise on every team that matters in World Cup campaign. In short, analyse every team and run down their chances in the world cup or run up their chances. 

Starting with the romantics’ favorites and one of the world cup co-hosts Sri Lanka. 

SL is set to play 5 of its 6 games in its home ground and none of them at SSC. And they would have to play all 6 games to have a chance to go to the next round this time. Unlike 1996 when they qualified to QF on back of the 2 forfeited games and that helped them reach out as champions in the end. 

No volatile war situation and security concerns now for them. 

They are grouped in group A with Australia, Pakistan, New Zealand and minnows Canada, Kenya.  They shall murder Canada and Kenya ruthlessly. So they have to beat just 2 of the rest 3 teams to go ahead to the Quarters. Pakistan and NZ would be the ones to lose out to the spin quartets of  SL. If Sangakara would have his way he would pack his team with all spinners and just one fast bowler in Malinga if he is fit.

Their first game is vs Canada, which they hope would score 450+ runs and bowl the Canadians out by 70 odd and win by 380 runs. Quite possible. 

They next play Pakistan and they would fancy chances against a team who has yet to have a captain named for the world cup. Although its going to be Shahid Afridi, but Butt thinks he is not in the news for long time now, so he has to create some drama and he is doing just that. 

SL team:

Sanga, Jayawardhena, Dilshan, Kapugedara, Angelo, Muralitharan, Malinga, Fernando, Herath, Mendis, Kulasekara, Perreira, Silva, Samaraweera and Tharanga.

Opening pair

Dilshan and Tharanga would open the batting in most games unless Sangakara has a brain freeze and he promotes his chaddi buddy Mahila to the top. 

Middle Order

Sangakara, Jayawardhena, Kapugedara, Silva / Samarweera would form the middle order. 

Fast bowlers:

Malinga, Perreira would be sureshot starters.  Mathews, if fit  could be the 3rd seamer.

Spin:

King of spin Murali would be sure starter in all games lest he is injured and he would be partnered by one of Bow Wow Mendis or Colored Herath.

Chances:

They would maul Canada, Kenya. They might succumb to unpredictable Pakistanis and might get past the Kiwis too given they have been pathetic in the subcontinental ODIs.  It would be tough to beat Australia, though they would be looking forth to avenge 1-2 defeat in the home series. 

The only game they play outside SL is the league game against Kiwis in India.  3 of their games are at R Premdasa stadium, 1 in Hambanatotatata and 1 in Wankhede, Mumbai. Yes Wankhede is in Mumbai.

They can go to QF, but with the form they have been in 2008, 2009 and 2010 they look impossible to go beyond that stage. 

And if they dont do that, this would be the end of Kumar Sangakara as the captain of Sri Lanka. And a respite for us of his character rants. 

Lets see how much character stock Sangakara has gathered in 2 months when he was quiet and didnt play any cricket. Oh no he was playing with his balls, only in the bed room.

Following on Lankans!!

I am mighty pleased over the plight of Sangakara and his bravado men. They are following up. Whom? West Indies. A team nobody gave hoots to. They are making mighty talking giants Sri Lankans following on behind them.

And those big hundred makers, those run machines on the low slow dry lifeless pitches of Sri Lanka — Sangakara, Mahila, Samaraweera and P Jaya were content with 50s. What a disgrace man. Cant believe they didnt make 100s on a so called hapless Windies attack.  Oh jeez, the character stocks of Lanka have gone to negative. And did you notice, ever since Chris Gayle made superb 333, the assertive, media frenzy, word lover, bugbear fan, austerity champ Kumara Sangakara has not spoken a word. He has gone to a hiding, the media headlines that screamed big  about his rants are now silent on his whereabouts.

Instead he is sending over Mendis to talk to media who is not being politically correct and he expressed fears that Gayle might go on and make a 400.  Nah, i m not seeing Sanga’s comments anywhere.

Poor he. He had said before the start of the series that the spinners would be they key. But then who are the spinners for them? Mendis and Randiv. Mendis got a 6-for but well he leaked out 170 runs for those 6 wikats.

They are going to find winning test matches even more difficult now that the Murali king of chucking has retired. And they dont have Malinga too. Instead they have a Chanaka and Dhammika.  And yes Mahila, Kumara, Ajantha, Rangana too.

So if tomorrow on day 5, weather permitting, WI is able to bowl out Sri Lanka and chase down a small target, the Lankans would be a hurt lot and that would please me a lot cos they have tortured the cricket fans over the years with their negative brand of Test cricket ever since that ugly 952 Test.

Sri Lankan Ravans

Sri Lanka have been shoed off by Bangladesh for a Test series due to following reasons:

1. BD cricket is on a new high as I am after Smirnoff, after a 4-0 drubbing of NZ.
2. BD has refused to be part of all cricketing records against their names.
3. BD is tired of shit from Sangakara and the soft spoken Bong Babus do not want to hear the Sinhala tirades of Sangakara on how shit they are and how world class Lankan Ravans are.

So the Lankans are due to play just 5 ODIs before world cup in some locations like Hannumunakonte and some other unpronounciable locations (worse than Tiruvennavalli or Tiruvananthpuram orTircharipally) against disinterested West Indies team.

Sri Lankans play against disinterested teams and they beat them 2-0 or 3-0 and then their pig faced skipper pokes out a verbal diarrohea on how bloody good Lankans are. 

Cricinfo’s Lankan page screams headline on what Mahila, the lady Jayawardhena says on how Malinga is valuable for their world cup campaign. Hell 101 wikats in 30 tests make him their 3rd highest wikat taker.

They dont have Murali and  they would struggle to bowl out Windies without their own help. Since Chuck retired, they have failed to take 20 wikats in a Test and would forever do.

And if Murali follows Younis and Yousuf, he could soon make a comeback in the tests for them.

Sanga baba is due for a press conference on how good his team would be when he would beat WI 3-0 and 5-0 and then celebrate as if they have beaten a # 1 team in the world . But hey that team are us and the Lankans can never beat us in a full series. Bwahahahahaa.