A note to Rohit IPL Sharma

Mr Rohit Sharma,

A self righteous individual would take a call now and offer the captain to get himself dropped and fly out the first taxi or cruise back to Borivali(W), contact the local coach and get a few nets in Azad Maidan or even CCI club or for that matter any local Gymkhana in your own surroundings, get a few lads to bowl you underarm, hit a few sixes, smash some windows, get some hits from the fellow society dwellers and then prepare for a long grind in the domestic cricket and pray that in a year or 2, if you regain your never existing silken touch and your spot is still up for grabs by 2010, then you should come back or else we have decided to remove you out of our system.

Its tad unfortunate that you exist in the team even now after long haul of listless performances and its a test of our patience that we have to see your disgusting lovelorn face every time 1 or 3 wkts fall. Dude, the Fashion week is around the corner and then there are lots of hot chics in South Mumbai party circuit or if you cant afford them there are lots of dance bars too open even now in Mumbai suburbs. A lot of them in Dahisar, few minutes walk from your place. You would certainly find few there. After all a cricketer is even a hot property right now. You dont have hunger for runs, albeit other hunger(s) would get satisfied and by chance if you still make it to the Champs Trophy team (you never know DBV could plant you anywhere, even on moon’s cricket team) at least you would look happy and I would be able to curse you openly seeing your face.

Right now you look remorse and sad, so i feel pity on you. Right now you look like a daily waged labourer who travels free of cost in Mumbai locals. Hell no, even he pays. What do you do? Do nothing and still grab those fat pay cheques. IPL, tour fee, ad contracts, fashion show invites and stuff. But did you know kid, all this lasts till the runs from your bat flow. If you dream of Rakhi Sawant when you bat, you are gonna get what Rakhi Sawant gets. Bhai, yeh jo IPL ka contract hai na, yeh bhi tab tak hai jub tak aapke paas runs hai. Runs nahi banaoge to ICL bhi nahi lega tumhe mere dost. Fir kisi bridge ke neeche khade hokar tum apne Mumbai Ranji mate ko nahi kah paoge “mere paas gadi hai bangla hai south mumbai flat hai tumhare paas kya hai”. And he would reply “Rohit tum aur mai isi Borivali national park ke fly over ke neeche se chale the kisi cricket ground ki aur. Fir tum kaha pahuch gaye aur me kaha chal pada. Aaj tumhare pass yeh sab hai mere bhai, lekin mere paas INDIA CAP aur IPL CONTRACT hai”. Tab kya karoge dost? yeah Mahesh Bhatt jaroor koi movie de dega tumhe.

Bhai hume maaf karo aur aapko dekhne ka jo hume majboori hai nee use door karo. Jao bhai kahi aur jao. Wo Kandivali kanda poha club me captain ki vacancy hai, waha kheloge ? Mast captain banke? Gimme a buzz if you want to.